Today I made a quick trip back to Fort Worth to participate in a rehearsal dinner and officiate a wedding. Although I feel very inadequate, I love doing weddings and spending time with the couple during the weeks leading up to the wedding. Most of the time, they’re very affectionate with one another, and they don’t care what anyone thinks. I love that!
It reminds me of when Keri and I first got married. We would constantly hold hands, hug, and kiss. Seeing it in the lives if others makes me regret every missed opportunity to treat my wife with that kind of affection today.
So why do things change? The complexity of having kids certainly plays a part, but I think the real culpret is familiarity.
Familiarity does a terrible thing to relationships, if you let it. It blinds you to the wonder of a husband or a wife or a friend. Irritations that would have been dismissed in the past become problems. Things that used to be special are overlooked. Acts of thoughtful kindness fall away.
But I don’t believe things have to stay this way. I believe the romance and fun can be recapatured, and I aspire to see my love and affection for my wife increase each year, beating back familiarity.
Here are a few questions for reflection: When was the last time I wrote my spouse a love note? What is the tone of my voice when I talk to my wife on the phone? Do I sound excited or bored? What can I do immediately to show my spouse how much I love her? What are some things we can do together to make sure that we battle against this beast of familiarity?
Maybe we could all take cruise… to Antarctica! Then we could go diving and see how deep we can go with our swiss army watches.
BJL
I really like this post. I have two suggestions right off the top of my head to rear naked choke (or leglock) familiarity into sleepy time (or submission.)
By the way Ben, yours is the best. No better way.
1. I told yall about this before. Slave for a day. Actually a day is a bit too long so… Slave for an hour or however long you want to. The key here is to make your sig. other do crazy things – just remember it’s their turn next.
#1 rule Keep it fun. When one of the people starts to get their feeling hurt you are just ruining it. (But be tough if you are the slave – its all in fun) Here are some suggestions: The MAN says: Give me a 10 minute massage and be quick about getting over here slavy! Now go outside and say as loud as you can- Im in love, im in love and I don’t care who knows it. Do your best chicken dance. Fan me with a magazine I am a little hot. Go make me some tea – Chop Chop. Vacum the living room – oh you missed a spot there. Nope still didn’t get it. Try harder. Sing me a song.
Get the Gallon of milk out of the fridge and start chugging until I say stop.
Etc……..
2. Go on a first date together. Confused? Pretend you don’t know each other. Go as far as to “meet” at a coffee shop and exchange #s. Set up a first date and go on it. (So what do you do? I work at a church) Pretend yall don’t know each other or anything about each other. Both can wear wigs – or not.
3. I just thought of one more. Buy one of those spice up your love life books. They are full of awesome tips like the two I just pointed out.
Nate,
Forget welding and crane trucks. You should be a marriage counselor.
Love
BJL
You guys are something else. Gorilla, you have quite an imagination. I’d like to hear what your sisters think about your crazy ideas. Keri, Kathy, Beth? Any comments?
Amazing comments boys, what is happening to the men of this generation??? Funny funny Nate, and I won’t comment about Ben, he already heard it from me over here in Tucson. I think the word “GUILTY” is on their hearts so the natural reaction is to be funny.
When I can stop laughing at the comments and breathe I will leave a comment…
OK – all sober now.
Kyle this is great food for thought. The hard part now, for all of us, is to get from the nodding in agreement to the doing something about it.
Gorilla, Gorilla, you are too hilarious. In your next comment I want to see the slave for a day scenario from the Woman’s perspective:) What will you give me if I actually try both of these suggestions and provide proof? Like a video of Kyle and I pretending to meet at a coffee shop?
And Beth, I think you are right, guilt puts on humor like a carnival mask:)
Hay Wifey! Go get me a glass of milk, and make it snappy.
BJL
Oops. I can’t spell. I meant to write with my own gravitar. I also meant to spell “Hey” like that. Not like I am feeding horses. (Me and Lathan went to go see the horses today.) Umm….Wifey, you weren’t constructive at all. I am putting a shame on you in your file, and if you keep it up, I might give your portion of scraps to Pete! I love you though.
BJL
Give her scraps to Pete! Give her scraps to Pete! Ben, let me know when yall try one of my cool suggestions next date night. Keri, try both and let me know (i will believe you) and you will get a gift cert. for $1 to Starbucks. (It will be more than that.) Well the WOMAN would say: I think Ill go take a bath – while I am doing that go wash the dishes. When you get done with the dishes vacum the entire house. Now go put up christmas lights and it better look like Clark Griswald was out there helping you. While you are on the roof sing “the hills are alive with the sound of music” as loud as you can. So then they go shopping – when we come to each store hold the door for me and announce very loud: ladies and gentlemen I present (name) and make trumpet sounds. At the mall – jump in the fountain and stay in there until security comes – then run like a stripped ape.
Beth and Keri, thanks for your input here. Honestly, I kind of think that when you have young kids, both the husband and wife are slaves for every day.
Ben and Nate, you guys are cracking me up. I’m beginning to think that this post has been hijacked.