Evil Oppression

evil oppression

I believe in a spiritual realm that is beyond our normal capacity to see – the existence of both angels and demons, but that’s not what I want to write about today.  What I want to write about is a different kind of evil oppression: toe oppression.  You see, I can’t stand to have any extra weight on my feet when I’m trying to sleep.

It’s a weird thing, but I cannot sleep in a bed that has tightly tucked sheets or with a heavy blanket on top of my feet.  It makes me crazy.  Worse than fingernails on a chalkboard.

My sweet wife, on the other hand, doesn’t mind having an extra blanket at the bottom of the bed, a practice I now refer to as evil oppression.  Since she doesn’t relate, she thinks it’s funny to bother me in this way.

The bad thing is that I normally sleep on my stomach.  That means I have to hang my feet off the bottom off the bed to keep my toes from being mushed.

Is there anyone else out there that has this same problem?  Any helpful advice?

13 thoughts on “Evil Oppression

  1. Have you considered using gravity boots to hang upside down in while you sleep? I think your “mashed toes” would be the least of your worries then.

  2. I feel your pain, I always pull the covers over to my wife’s side of the bed, then pull over the sheet and maybe a blanket to cover my body and leave my feet exposed, can’t stand to have my feet covered up.

  3. Bonky Mom and Xergio, thanks for the suggestions. Nothing like friends who think you should be on medication! :)

    Ben, appreciate the creativity. Upside down doesn’t work so well for me. After about five seconds, my head threatens to explode, so that might not be the best option for me.

    Wes, thank you! Finally, someone who understands my plight!!! I think you must have it worse than me, because I can at least cover my feet up.

  4. You’re on your own here buddy… I like the weight, especially when it’s cold, makes me feel all warm and cozy…

  5. this is hilarious. i like to warm up my feet before i fall asleep. BUT, once they’re warm, the covers get shoved to the side. i can’t stand my feet covered up. fun blog.

  6. Jeff, you’re cracking me up with your cozy feet.

    Bonkymama, yes, I’ve heard that phrase before. I think someone on Valium must have made up that phrase. ;)

    Janet, how exactly do you warm up your feet?

  7. Aha, here is the sweet wife with a more complete picture of Kyle’s neurotic sleeping habits. Although he can’t stand for anything to be touching his feet while he sleeps, he sleeps best with blankets wrapped around his head. Go figure.

  8. Wow, after that last post I’m going to change my original suggestion to “lots of medication”.

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